I just needed a yes or no answer.  I wrote The Contortionist to find out her availability beyond the festival in Taiwan, and found out two things: no, she’s not available, and she’s seeing someone.

She says she still has feelings for me, that she has terrible regrets about things that happened, but that she has not seen me in such a long time and has no idea when she will see me again.  Despite her romantic feelings for me, she says that one of the things she learned from me is the importance of the friendship above all – the person itself and not the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, that the rest may come later. It is dangerous really to let yourself feel so strongly about a person you loved in person once they are gone, you know.  The hard times, bad times, even at the end, and those are important to remember as well.  I can’t deny that I was excited about the possibility of seeing how things might have been between us when she finished with Cirque Theatrical, but whatever, things are the way they are and of course I am OK with that.

For Taiwan, she would be available from the 15th, could catch a plane on the 16th, and be able to work starting the 17th.  Funnily enough, Taiwan Productions has assumed that she and I would be sharing an apartment if she comes because they don’t know we broke up, but despite the news about her new boyfriend, she seemed to think that she would have no problem staying in my apartment.

My official recommendation to Taiwan Productions is to go with her aerial act but have a dynamic option as a backup in case her availability changes.  Another option is that as soon as I get into Taiwan, I could start working on my straps technique again to have a good 4-minute straps number in three months.  I’d just need that equipment as soon as possible and to practice two hours a day – easy, no problem, and I’d be happy to do it.

Fuck, man.  Time to let it go.  Going out with four Spanish flamenco dancers tonight…  oh, the pain of show business!

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