My room is a mess… I think I have cleaned it every day of my depressive little funk, but to no avail. Today, I trapped a cheeky mosquito that had been plaguing me all evening under a glass with beads of wine still clinging to its edges. It was drinking the wine earlier, and its awkward, sanguine limb movements convinced me that it was getting drunk.
You need to excuse me for a minute, I want to see what the little bug(ger) is up to now…
There was a moment before capturing him when he landed on my sleeve and really looked at me, person to person, or at least being to being, and it reminded me of how terrible I felt when I smashed an unsuspecting mosquito into oblivion in my hotel room in Taiwan. I mean, given, it was most likely the mosquito that had eaten me alive the night before, but she was probably asleep (and strictly speaking, all bloodsucking mosquitoes are female) up until the end, when the slipper flattened her into a distorted two-dimensional shadow of her former self, like the shadow of a Hiroshima bombing victim on steps of a government building.
But tonight’s little mosquito is happily sitting drunk on the floor of the little cell that I have created for her. A floor which consists essentially of a sheet of notebook paper, and walls and ceiling that is made up of a plastic tumbler decorated with green dots of uniform size but varying opacity and… fuck that, they are not even of uniform size.
She is looking at me though the transparent plastic, and I can imagine that the forelimb that is moving slightly is a plea for pity. But I do not think I will release her. I am even so cruel as to entertain the idea of releasing her directly into the web of a spider that lives by the stairs outside; to free this bloodsucker only to have my blood sucked out of her by another bloodsucker higher up on the insect food chain.
Fuck this mosquito for what she does and the way she sits so pathetically on the floor of her cell. She’ll earn no pity from me (well, a little) but I am going to move the glass farther away from my bed so that I do not accidentally free her during the night with an accidental kick of my foot.