i am in the middle of a terribly self-absorbed time of my life right now and have hit a mental block. 

right or wrong, i’ve chosen acrobatics as a medium through which i’d like to express truth. 

but what does it mean that everything that hinders my study of acrobatics is the everythings that other people want so much of?  sleep, food, friends, rest, etc?  is it my tradeoff for being so self-centered? 

why is it that the further along this path i go, the more i need to shed.   

there’s a chance that i may move to moscow all alone training circus in the russian tradition.  i will own clothes and a milk crate of books.  the time i spend with my friends will diminish from once a month to maybe once a year. 

is this isolation necessary? 

if not physically, mentally? 

how will i know when it is worth it?  when i have figured everything out i guess.  on my own. 

is it possible to find a person who can make you feel more alone than you do all by yourself? 

is it healthy to want someone like that? 

and not to?